In the world of sex, almost nothing invokes more confusion and awkward conversation than the topic of lesbianism. Whether the questions and misunderstandings come from men, straight women or lesbians themselves, there are a great many myths and mysteries that abound.

In the world of sex, almost nothing invokes more confusion and awkward conversation than the topic of lesbianism. Whether the questions and misunderstandings come from men, straight women or lesbians themselves, there are a great many myths and mysteries that abound.

 

 

Nobody Has To Be The Man

One of the most popular questions is the classic "which one of you is the man, and which is the woman? " This query, though often delivered with a look of complete self-deprecating humility that says "have pity on me, I am a mere straight person in a world of obvious genital couplings, " assumes that every relationship has an obvious gender role split. To be fair to those who ask, there are plenty of lesbians who have a preference for one role over the other--top or bottom, give or get. Even so, there are plenty of women who are happy with any and all arrangements of body parts and/or allotments of power. Because of this, the only correct answer to that question is: we both have vaginas. We're both women. Neither of us is the man. Sometimes we'll even hire someone from an escorts agency and share her between us. It's none of your business who does what in the bedroom (and if I told you, it would blow your mind and leave you jealous. Forever. Boom.). Another popular misunderstanding is that lesbians can't actually

It's A Tribal Thing

Another popular misunderstanding is that lesbians can't actually have "sex, " or that the closest approximation is when two women of considerable stamina and gymnastic ability fit together like two pairs of scissors and just sort of go at it. Now, I'm not going to say that "scissoring " doesn't exist, because to some degree it does. It's called "tribadism " (or "tribbing "), which is a more general grinding of certain regions on whatever part of one's partner's body seems desirable. Of course, as anyone who has ever tried to work it out with a couple of Barbies can imagine, it's pretty tough to get the pelvises of two human females together and make it work, but it can be done. Just... not the way most people imagine it. And honestly, there are plenty of lesbians who absolutely don't believe that "scissoring " is possible, and maybe it's just a definitions thing. Really, this one is best left to an explanation of "yeah, it happens, but not the way you're picturing it. Unless you're one of those straight-guy-lesbian-porn-stars with the hilariously long nails and the amazing ability to remain arched for that long. That kind of position is best left to the professionals. The rest of us will stick to the less symmetrical grinding.

Butch Does Not Mean Aggressive

I'd also like to address the idea that butch lesbians are aggressive in bed (more masculine) and femme lesbians are passive (more feminine). I find this one all over the place, especially amongst lesbian/bisexual friends who are swiping through Tinder and commenting on the supposed sexual prowess of various girls. No, amazingly, a chick with a plaid flannel shirt and enormous gauge earrings is not necessarily skilled, nor is she guaranteed to pin you down and take you to see lesbian Jesus (if there were such a thing). Actually, I've heard many a tale about butchy chop-down-a-tree-and-then-jack-up-a-car-with-it women who do nothing but lie there during sex. Likewise, princess Cinderella there just might throw you down and teach you the A-B-Cs with her tongue, ifyouknowwhatI'msayin'. The lesson here is not to estimate a person's sexual interests, abilities, or power/gender roles based on a traditional male or female appearance. Case in point: Portia de Rossi. I don't actually know what she's like in bed, but my guess is I might leave on a stretcher. Poor, lucky Ellen.

Or A Penis...

Oh, here's a fun one: "if you're using a strap-on/dildo, doesn't that mean you like penis? " Here's a question: if you're a guy using your hand to masturbate, doesn't that mean you like other dudes' hands? I mean, it's pretty much the same thing. It's a palm with fingers, it's attached to a man and it's touching your wing-wang in ways that make it happy. My god! You're so basically gay, I can practically HEAR the Judy Garland records! No, using a penetrative item that most people think has to be dick-shaped does not mean you actually want to hop on one that is attached to a male human being. All the lesbians I know personally (not the bisexual women) prefer to use smooth, generic toys meant to penetrate and stimulate, not emulate the male member. Not all lesbians use such toys, anyway--some use slimmer, shorter, more oddly-shaped vibrators, or they don't use any toys at all. I'm sure there are lesbians out there who do use penis-shaped toys, to which I can only say "I don't get it. " But hey, do you. Sexuality is fluid, and not everyone is 100% gay or straight.

Because There's No Testosterone

Finally, the great myth of "lesbian bed death. " This one is kept more inside the community, but the idea is pretty simple: at some point, the sex just stops. Some suspect a lack of testosterone, but here's my take: it's a myth based in skewed statistics. Sure, many couples lament a drop-off in sex drive, but it happens to straight couples, too. And there are plenty of lesbian couples to whom this doesn't happen. It's also pretty disappointing when you're having amazing lesbian sex constantly because you've finally come out of the closet, and then suddenly the frenzy dies down and seems like a huge drop-off. Nope, I'm putting my money on this one being a big fat misconception of how often people should have sex. If it bothers you, have more of it. Don't blame it on some fake lezzie curse. End of rant.