Let's face it after a night of wild passionate sex, there isn't always time to clean up and an early visit from an aged aunt or your insurance agent can send you into a tizzy trying to hide all the toys. That unexpected visitor can send you into a flurry trying to decide where to hide the toys. If you have a game plan, or at least a vague idea of some suggestions, when they arrive you might be able to hide your toys with artistic efficiency and have great fun doing it. It also can set the tone for a treasure hunt for pleasure in the future.
There are several theories and strategies towards quickly hiding your sex toys:
Plain sight. Hidden. Obscure.
The plain sight can add that element of fun. A sort of "Where's Waldo?" element that can make you smile while no one else knows why. Hidden is obvious, you make it vanish from plain sight, a bit like when you accidently drop your keys into the refrigerator crisper, or in a drawer.
A few of those toys could stand up straight in a remote corner with a small lamp shade and give the illusion of being a lamp. Of course, you need to have it in a remote enough place so that someone won't think it's an actual reading lamp.
There's always a vase with silk flowers. Just pop the toy in the middle as an artistic centerpiece. Tell your visitors that you are attending an avante-garde flower arranging class.
Fido may decide to grab the toy and parade it around the room
Some of the male sex toys could be used as a creative hair scrunchy. Just make sure the color matches your outfit color and style.
There's always the dog's toy basket, however Fido may decide to grab the toy and parade it around the room. Similarly, tossing toys in the children's toy chest may result in some future playdate explanation of your parenting style.
There's always the fashionable statement of dressing up your child's teddy bear in bondage wear, however, it can be incredibly time consuming custom fitting your buckles to your bear. As well as, difficult to explain to the babysitter. Also, if left on, that whimpering cry of a frustrated toddler who can't undo the buckles can really ruin the mood in the future.
The "Hello Kitty" vibrator. already come with the cuteness factor and the sheer look of something more cartoon than erotica. Euphemistically marketed as a "neck massager", it's practical and invisible to anyone but an "Hello Kitty" aficionado.
There's the moment when shoving a toy into a cereal box after a kitchen counter interlude, with the added benefit that in the future your sweetheart may realize that there's a surprise inside that Wheaties box. That kind of prize inside, may serve double duty.
Those paper towel rolls may provide a wonderful spot to securing a slender or small toy, just be don't too eager to unroll in the future.
A couple of no-nos, those seemingly obvious places that can in fact, either blow your cover, or destroy your toy for good.
Hiding them in the bed can work, but do be careful that your cat or dog doesn't pull them out and show them off. Also, unless you have bulky comforters the snappy tightly done bed that you can bounce a quarter off of; you might have to explain a lump.
- Tossing in the closet or underwear drawer. So cliche.
- Under the couch cushion just leads to a discussion about a Princess and a Pea. And not in a good way.
- The freezer can cause issues if you forget to defrost before the next encounter. You might stick to them.
- Don't put them in the microwave, dishwasher or stove. Turn one on and you can destroy your toy.
Good luck hiding your toys. In fact, if you do it right, it could add an element of surprise the next time you have sex. Hide and seek can be fun at any age.
Sources and References
Are you kidding? You think there's some authority on where to hide sex toys? I made this stuff up! You know, from experience. :)