The Greatest Stripper Saga Ever?

stripper sagaI consider myself a masculine feminist, someone that the great Al Bundy would loathe. Recently, in my daily internet trolling (wrong use of the word, but whatever), I came across something entitled The Greatest Stripper Saga Ever? Now while I might be a feminist, I am also a red blooded American Male and feel some sort of strange arousal when I hear the word Stripper. Upon completing my daily chores which typically involve sitting around in my underwear, picking toe lint, and writing fan fiction involving Bill Nye The Science Guy (long story, don't ask), I eagerly jumped into to Zola's tail of heartbreak, and redemption.

Being the complex masculine feminist that I am, I attempted (key word) to seperate my sexual feelings (which are voracious, I ensure you) from my pro Women's lib, Gloria Steinem loving, Susan B. Anthony worshipping form of obnoxia (notice the pretentious made up word) that men hate. While I won't spoil the fun of reading the entirely too long article (what fun would that be??), I will pick out a few highlights that equally titillated the two conflicting sides of my personality.

Zola Is Employed At Hooters???

Zola works at Hooters: From a masculine feminist perspective this is AMAZING. What better way to empower yourself as women than to work in the most cliche restaurant of all around stinky food, and even stinkier men. What Zola is doing here is AMAZING, and she is bascially telling the system, "screw you, " I am going to objective myself, but I don't really care and its going to lead me somewhere great. From a normal male perspective the first and only thought that crosses my mind was, I wonder what Zola looks like in those orange shorts.

Zola heads to Tampa: From a masculine feminist perspective I am intrigued by this. Like many, Zola is leaving her home to head to Florida to seek redemption. Whether or not she succeeds is not really the point, she is fighting patriarchy be living life on her own terms. From the male perspective the only question I have is does she wind up working at Mons Venus or THEE Dollhouse?

Zola befriends another stripper on her move: From the masculine feminist perspective, isn't this amazing?? The penultimate way of attacking patriarchy and oppression is by banding together and fighting the male-dominated world. Stripper or not, these two girls are amazing!!! From the male perspective, a single word comes to mind, threesome!!!!!!!



And She's An Escort Too

Zola works as a prostitute: Looking at this from a masculine feminist lens, one cannot help but to admire Zola's business sense. While it can be argued whether or not selling your body in any circumstance is a positive thing at least Zola is being financially responsible and making money to pay her bills. Essentially what she is doing is going directly against oppression by using her natural gifts to her financial benefit. From a male perspective, I am wondering, how much???

Zola and Jessica part ways: After much deceit, deception, and tears, Zola and her stripping compatriot Jessica part ways. From the masculine feminist perspective this is arguably the most powerful part of the story. Zola finally realizes that the life she has created for herself is no good and that it behooves her to leave Tampa and get away from Jessica and the crime that surrounds her. If there is a greater example of female empowerment IN THE WORLD, I have no idea what it is. From the male perspective, I feel the complete opposite. Why did Jessica and Zola part ways? Why will I never get to have a threeway with them or at least watch them perform some girl on girl action? These selfish women and their decisions have cheated me out of arguably one of the greatest moments I could have ever had in life.

Sex Is A Business

The end of the story: Obviously, the story has many twists and turns and culminates with Zola escaping sex trafficking (as hinted in the paragraph above) and ultimately finding redemption both by politicking against sex trafficking and starting her own sex-related business. From a masculine feminist perspective, wow! I can't think of anything more empowering! Sex Trafficking is a serious issue and we need former individuals who have been part of the industry such as Zola to take a stand. From a male perspective, I am thinking, where can I get some of those Hoeism t-shirts she is promoting? And will they make good Christmas gifts for the women in my life?

All joking aside, Zola's tail is one of woe and redemption, and worthy of a Pulitzer or at least the writing equivalent of a Razzie.