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masterbation2I'd like a show of hands here, please! Who here has masturbated at any point in their lives? I'm not asking if you regularly masturbate or if you only masturbated once when you were a teenager before your mother walked in on you, stopped in her tracks in horror when she realized what was going on, then mumbled something about dinner being on the table while steadfastly avoiding looking in your eyes before beating a hasty retreat. No, I'm curious about whether or not you've ever masturbated at all. 

 

 

Masturbation Can Be A Fun Past Time

I'd also like to know how your health and social life are today -- but only if you masturbated. If you are one of the .000000001 percent of the population who has never touched your genitals for the pursuit of pleasure, then I don't want to hear from you. No, wait! I do want you to comment and tell me how you resist. Masturbation can be a fun past time, especially once you get past all the hellfire and brimstone that most of us grew up hearing about in regards to touching ourselves. 

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If you have masturbated at some point in your life -- even once! -- how is your love life, your social life and even your health? I know that growing up, I've heard dire stories of people who masturbated and never had a relationship, gotten married or had children. These people were doomed to be social outcasts for the rest of their lives because they dare to touch their own genitals. Of course, their hairy palms (acquired from masturbating, of course!) would have sent any potential mates running for the hills the moment their eyes alighted on the tell-tale strands flowing gracefully off their hands. Blind people as well as those who are insane -- driven mad by their desire to touch their own genitals -- probably wouldn't even notice their hairy palms though. 

Never Fuck Discarded Furniture Without A Condom

Thank goodness that we've now evolved enough to realize that masturbation is actually good for us! Not only can it teach us how to be better lovers and how to have better sexual relations with others, it provides an important energy and sexual release for those times when we can't -- or don't want to -- have a romp in the hay. Maybe if this guy had masturbated more, he wouldn't feel the need to go out to the curb and enjoy some intimate relations with a discarded sofa. I also highly recommend masturbation if you decide that you want to mess around with some other man's woman, lest you wind up like this guy who doesn't even know where his penis is now.

We Want To Know Your J.O. Story

Do you have a masturbation story that you want to share? I'd especially like to hear from those of you with hairy palms, insanity and/or blindness that can be attributed to your masturbation habits. If you don't have a story like that, then please do tell the rest of us your funny masturbation stories -- we all have them. I might even share a few of mine -- if I hear some funny ones first! 

Story by Primrose

primrose